I haven’t yet stopped thinking about the book I read over the holidays: The Surrender Experiment: My journey into life’s perfection, by Michael A. Singer (New York: Harmony Books, 2015).
The Surrender Experiment is the story of Michael Singer’s life and his search for lasting inner peace. It all started when he suddenly (and most unexpectedly!) became aware of what he calls “the voice in his head”. He was having an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, awkward conversation, and he suddenly heard, very clearly and loudly, his own inner chatter: “gee, this is awkward, I wish this were over, I don’t know what to say next, I wonder what he’s thinking” and so on. From that moment on, he couldn’t stop hearing that voice in his head, as clearly and distinctly as one would hear someone else talking in the room. That voice never stopped commenting and having an opinion about everything; it began to drive him crazy! And thus began his quest to silence the voice in his head.
It is a long and wonderful story. Mickey’s quest led him to the discovery of Buddhist meditation. It led him to the practice of yoga. He adopted a very disciplined lifestyle, living on his own in the woods, practicing yoga postures and meditation three times a day, fasting, having minimal contact with the outside world… and yet, the silence and peace he found in his meditations were fleeting. The voice in his head still chattered away in the hours between his meditations.
This led Mickey to the realization that something was missing in his approach; something needed to change. He soon discovered that “the voice” was the noisiest when a situation arose that he did not like. That voice had very clear likes and dislikes.
If my mind had a preference toward or against something, it actively talked about it. I could see that it was these mental preferences that were creating much of the ongoing dialogue about how to control everything in my life. In a bold attempt to free myself from all that, I decided to just stop listening to all the chatter about my personal preferences, and instead, start the willful practice of accepting what the flow of life was presenting me (p.53).
So, Mickey began accepting the situations and opportunities that came his way, even if he disliked them. (This quickly changed his lifestyle, though he kept his morning and evening meditations.) He observed his reactions to these situations – his feelings and thoughts – allowing the reactions to arise within him, breathing through them, relaxing the heart and mind, and watching as those fearful, dissenting aspects of his self/ego gradually dissolved. It worked! Over time, “the voice” quietened, and he found himself oddly – or rather, naturally – at peace even in the most challenging of situations.
What makes this book so powerful for me is that it is a real story about a real person’s life – someone kind of like me. It’s not a theory or philosophy book (although I love those too!). It is a story about the specific events that unfolded as this man undertook his great experiment. Having wanted nothing more than to be alone in the woods to meditate, he found himself accepting Life’s invitation to become a college teacher, to build custom homes, to learn and develop computer/software programming, to acquire more land on which he eventually built a temple and yoga centre… and so on. But his real work, his real yoga, and his real accomplishment – made possible only through all the challenges that Life brought to him – was the dissolving of his personal self and inner turmoils, which is what he had really wanted most of all:
The flow of life had served as sandpaper that, to a great extent, freed me of myself. Unable to unbind myself from the incessant pull of my psyche, in an act of sheer desperation, I had thrown myself in the arms of life. From that point forward, all I did was my very best to serve what was put in front of me and let go of what it stirred up within me. Joy and pain, success and failure, praise and blame – they all had pulled at what was so deeply rooted within me . . . At some point there’s no more struggle, just the deep peace that comes from surrendering to a perfection that is beyond your comprehension. Eventually, even the mind stops resisting, and the heart loses the tendency to close . . . When life’s way becomes your way, all the noise stops, and there is a great peace (p.252).
This story, set in today’s world and told in plain English, illustrates many of the concepts recorded in Sanskrit thousands of years ago in ancient yogic texts. Take, for example, ishvarapranidhana, surrender or devotion to God/Life, and tapas, the acceptance of pain as a means of purification; these principles are considered key to advancement on the yogic path. I’m currently reading Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras (written about 200BC), and I feel that these two books are perfect companions! They are saying the same thing, in different ways, each supporting and clarifying the other.
I’ve also been reflecting on the fact that Mickey did not “surrender” everything. There were certain commitments that were non-negotiable for him, like his morning and evening meditations, and giving his weekly meditation class at the local prison. What are my non-negotiables? What is the difference between a preference (a like/dislike that limits me) and a principle (an ideal/practice that elevates me)? The distinction is not always clear…
Some of you reading this will have already heard me talking about this book. Why do I feel so compelled to share it with you all? Well, reading it has sparked a lot of joy in me. Mickey’s story has strengthened my faith in Life and in the yogic path. I am reminded that I don’t have to figure things out with my mind. I don’t have to chart the best course. I don’t have to make and execute the perfect plans. Life knows best. Life will provide. Life is abundant and loving and benevolent. Life wants us to grow and thrive, and will give us exactly the opportunities we need for our development, above and beyond what we can even imagine for ourselves. We just have to let Life take the lead, and follow with open mind and open heart.