As a yoga teacher, I get to observe people practising yoga. Not that I’m staring at you while you practice – but I do I let my gaze drift around the room. Sometimes, something will jump out at me, and then I pay more attention. Lately, I’ve been noticing more of this: body language that says “not good enough.” You come out of a posture, and your head and shoulders slump in defeat. Or you shake your head, or make a face, or grunt, in self-disapproval.
Before and after class, I also get to talk to people about yoga. (I love this part of my job!) And lately, I’ve been hearing stuff like: “What can’t I bend more?” “I’m terrible at that pose.” I used to say things like this myself: “I’m flexible, but not strong.” “My mind’s too busy.” The sentiment behind all these statements? “Not good enough.”
Does this sound like you? It sounds like my inner perfectionist at times. Now, we perfectionists will say, “What’s wrong with that? How else are you going to improve? You’ve got to have standards! And you’ve got to know when you’re not meeting them, and then you’ve got to push yourself to do better.” Mmm-hmm, yep, I know that voice well. She and I are still working things out.
So, let’s get something straight: The “perfection” we are seeking in yoga (and in life) is not perfect form – not perfect body, not perfect posture. You can have the most perfect-looking triangle pose, but be miles away from the true goal of yoga. What is the true goal of yoga? To have no goal, no agenda, no purpose other than to love yourself and others. This, the yoga masters (and all prophets, saints, messiahs) taught, is the path that leads out of suffering, towards lasting peace and happiness.
The truth is, if you can’t love yourself, you cannot truly love anyone else. I know this from experience. If I cannot stand “laziness” in myself, I cannot stand it in my children, my partner, my friends. If I can begin to release my own self-judgment, I can judge my children and others less harshly; I can be more loving. What we disapprove of in ourselves, we disapprove of in others. What we disapprove of in others shows us what we forbid in ourselves.
As a form of self-care, the yoga postures give us an opportunity to love ourselves. We should always remember this during our practice. Yoga is self-care, self-love – not self-improvement, and certainly not self-torture. We love and care for the body by moving it, stretching it, strengthening it, relaxing it, honouring its abilities and its limits. We should do this regularly, gently, and yet with some firmness – firmness, because we know this is good for us. Loving doesn’t mean coddling.
The yoga postures also give us the opportunity to love more truly, more unconditionally, when we come face to face with our “imperfections.” So, I wobble when I do the headstand, but can I love myself anyway, rather than finding fault with myself? And one day, I pull my hamstring because I overstretch – can I love myself anyway, rather than berating myself for overdoing it? Looking at my body and noticing its “flaws” – too round, too angular, too hairy, too whatever – can I love myself anyway, with an open heart and open mind?
Our imperfections, our flaws – other people’s imperfections – the imperfections of Life – these so-called “imperfections” are labelled as such by the mind. It is the mind that deems something “perfect” or not. But the mind is biased. In reality, things simply are what they are – not good, not bad. Yoga gives us some guidelines, some principles, and we all do our best to practice according to them without forcing or hurting ourselves (ahimsa, or non-violence, is the first principle in yoga). Our bodies are different, so our postures look different. That’s it. It’s not a matter of good or bad, better or worse.
If there are any “flaws” that we try to address through yoga practice, it is the limiting thoughts we hold onto. The judgements and biases of the mind. The beliefs that were somehow planted there, that took hold and grew. Beliefs about who we are, who we should be, and what we need to do in order to be that. We perfectionists, we have a lot of those kinds of beliefs – about what’s good, what’s right. Really, we just want to get it right, and we work hard to get it right. We are determined and focused, because we need to get it right – actually, perfect would be nice – before we can feel good about ourselves.
Our challenge is to embrace our “imperfections.” I attended a class recently led by my friend and fellow teacher Mike Hutkins, and at one point he said, “Can you notice what you feel in your body, without being affected by it?” So brilliant! There is the body’s experience (what you feel in your body), and then the mind’s reaction to it (e.g. judgement, shame, pride). If we can distinguish between these two, we can observe the body’s experience, and then release the mind’s reaction. Return to the heart, bathing your body and mind with your loving awareness. That’s what yoga is all about, at least in my books!
Love this Zofia! “Yoga is self-care… not self-improvement.”
Thank you, Faith. I first came across this idea in the writing of Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, who says “Yoga is not about self-improvement. It’s about self-acceptance.” I couldn’t wrap my head around it at first – but now it feels so right! The thing is, if we focus on self-care/self-love/self-acceptance, we naturally “improve” our well-being! But if we focus on self-improvement, we can unknowingly pull ourselves down rather than lift ourselves up. “Self-improvement” often implies a lack – it can reinforce the belief, often subconscious, that we’re “not good enough.” It’s a subtle but important difference. How can I support myself to bring out the best in me? vs. How can I make my not-good-enough self “better”? The former is based on self-love – the belief that there is goodness within. The second is based on self-judgement. Thanks for reading and commenting!